I still mother them….

I Will Always Be Her Mom ❤️

Yesterday was National Daughters Day, and I found myself thinking about a question people ask me all the time.

“How many children do you have?”

Two. I have two children. A son and a daughter. Vincent and Gabriella.

I don’t say I had two children. I have two children. Just because neither of them is physically here doesn’t mean I stopped being their mother.

And today, I want to talk about my daughter.

My Gabriella.

In two days, on September 28, she would be celebrating her 36th birthday. Her first birthday since she died on April 3rd. And I am sitting here trying to figure out how we got to a place where I am writing about my daughter’s birthday instead of planning it.

I should be asking her what she wants for dinner. Although, let’s face it, I already know. Chicken cutlets and eggplant parm. And then we would have to have the great cake debate. Red velvet or carrot cake? Knowing Gab, we probably would have ended up with both.

God, I miss those things.

I miss being able to pick up the phone and call my daughter. I miss her attitude. I miss the conversations. I miss the things that used to drive me absolutely crazy. I would give anything to have her drive me crazy one more time.

When Vincent died in 2017, Gabriella was still here. I still had my daughter. I still had someone who understood what it meant to lose him as her brother. We shared a grief that nobody else could understand in quite the same way.

And now she’s gone, too.

There are days when I genuinely cannot wrap my head around the fact that I have buried both of my children. I look at pictures of them, and I wonder how this can possibly be my life.

But National Daughters Day isn’t just about my grief. It’s about my daughter and the 35 years I was lucky enough to have her.

It’s about the little girl I raised, the woman she became, the mother she was to Gianna and Adriano, and all the memories that belong to us.

It’s about watching Gianna become a beautiful young woman and seeing pieces of her mom in her. It’s about Adriano and me learning to navigate this world without her. It’s about making her favorite fried apples together and sharing memories of the woman we both miss so desperately.

It’s about remembering that Gabriella was so much more than the way she died.

She was funny. She was stubborn. She could make me laugh, make me furious, and make me proud, sometimes all in the same day. She was my daughter, and our relationship was ours, with all the love and complications that come with being a mother and daughter.

And I wouldn’t trade one second of being her mom.

I think that’s one of the hardest things about losing a child. The world continues to celebrate birthdays, Mother’s Day, National Sons Day and National Daughters Day. Social media fills up with beautiful pictures of parents and their children, and you find yourself looking at pictures of someone you can never take another picture with.

But I will never stop celebrating mine.

I will never stop talking about Gabriella. I will never stop telling her stories, cooking her favorite foods, laughing about the things she did, or reminding her children how much their mother loved them.

And I will never stop answering that question the same way.

I have two children.

One son. One daughter.

Both loved beyond words. Both missed every single day.

Happy National Daughters Day, my beautiful Gabriella.

Monday, we will celebrate your 36th birthday. I wish more than anything that you were here to blow out those candles, eat your chicken cutlets and argue with me about which cake we’re having.

I’d even let you have both. ❤️

Love you forever, Gab.

Being your mother didn’t end on April 3rd. It never will.